Imbento

doing what's right and doing what you desire

its ben a while since i made use of the blog to pour in my emotions...

no no.... i'm not breaking down this time... i'm just.... "thinking"

all my life i've been doing what i want... there has never been one person that has forced me to do something that i do not want to do since the day i realized that i had a brain that functioned...

i do what i want to do so long as it is righteous...

by righteous, i mean i'm not breaking any rules, regulations, law or whatever

by righteous, i mean i'm doing things with my own free will to the best knowledge that it conforms with the norms of society (though i disagree with society most of the time)

somehow, for the past few days, i have to admit that i have been in a delema about doing what i want to do... not because someone told me not to... but because i just feel that... i can't

such occurrences make me feel sick to my stomach... so sick that each time i'm alone, the whole thing just eats me up... makes me wanna puke with hopes that by doing so, i'd feel better...

but it's more than just a feeling, it's an innate desire within the substance of the brain... a craving... a desire that needs to be fulfilled

limits do come along with the freedom to choose... what a life... God help us all

Lost

Throughout history we've heard about wars... from the old-school wars of head-on-clashing of weaponry to the modern biological warfare... in every war there is always the victor... and oh how great the feeling of victory is...

One thing that people neglect to see is that not all victors of war feel all too good about what they had achieved... to make it easier for you guys to understand - not all those who win something, feel like a winner... it is a phenomenon which i would like to call "lost"

why does one feel that way? the hell should i know?

maybe its because they are not satisfied with how they were able to achieve their goals

maybe its because the win or the victory itself is not enough to derive happiness that lies deeper within that individuals subconscious

or maybe its just because the real prize that the victor would want to get is not that associated with the war but something else outside of it...

could be something that that person desires to have but cannot...

something that that person knows is meant for him or her but at the moment is just not meant to be...

Something about the filipino for the filipino

i received the following through email... and i got to admit that it is in line with my disappointments about the country's culture... read it and search deep... totoo naman eh

 

Sabi MO , ang gobyerno natin ay palpak .
Sabi MO , ang mga batas natin ay sinauna.
Sabi MO , ang lokal na pamahalaan natin ay hindi
maganda ang pagkolekta ng basura at ang paglilinis ng
mga lugar.
Sabi MO , hindi gumagana ang mga telepono, katatawanan
ang kalagayan ng trapiko, at hindi nakakarating sa
paroroonan ang mga sulat.
Sabi MO , parang nasadlak sa basura ang ating buong
bansa.
Sabi Mo , sabi MO, sabi MO.

E ano'ng ginagawa mo tungkol dito?

Kumuha ka ng isang taong papunta sa Singapore . Bigyan
mo sya ng pangalan, yung sa IYO. Bigyan MO sya ng
mukha, yung sa IYO. Lumabas KA sa airport nang
pinakamatino mong sarili na maipagmamalaki sa mundo..

Sa Singapore Hindi KA nagtatapon ng upos ng sigarilyo
sa kalye. Ipinagmamalaki MO ang magaganda nilang
underpass. Nagbabayad KA ng mga 60 pesos para
makapagmaneho sa Orchard Road (parang EDSA) mula alas
5 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi. Bumalik KA sa parking lot
para bayaran ang parking tiket mo kung napasobra ka ng
oras sa shopping o sa pagkain sa isang restaurant. Sa
Singapore , wala KAng sinasabi, meron ba?

Hindi MO susubukang kumain sa lantad kapag Ramadan sa
Dubai .
Hindi MO susubukang lumabas ng bahay na walang takip
ang mukha sa Jeddah.
Hindi MO susubukang lagyan ang isang empleyado ng
kumpanya ng telepono sa London para mapunta sa ibang
tao ang mga long distance na tawag mo.

Hindi MO susubukang lumampas ng 90 kilometers per hour
sa Washington, at saka sasabihin sa pulis "Alam mo
kung sino ako?"

Bakit di MO subukang dumura o magtapon ng upos ng
sigarilyo o balat ng kendi sa mga kalye sa Tokyo ?

Bakit hindi MO subukang bumili ng pekeng mga papeles
sa Boston tulad ng ginagawa sa Recto?

Pinag-uusapan pa rin natin IKAW.

IKAW na gumagalang at sumusunod sa patakarang banyaga
sa ibang bansa pero hindi makasunod sa sarili mong
lugar.

IKAW na tapon ng tapon sa kalye pagtuntong mo pa lang
sa lupa.

Kung IKAW ay nakikisalamuha at pumupuri ng systema sa
bansang banyaga, bakit hindi KA maging ganyan sa
Pilipinas?

Minsan sa isang panayam, ang dating Subic
Administrator na si Gordon ay may katwiran ng sinabi
nyang "Ang mga aso ng mayayaman ay pinalalakad at
pinadudumi ng may-ari sa kalye, tapos sila mismo ang
pumupuna sa may katungkulan sa kapalpakan sa
paglilinis ng mga kalye. Ano ang gusto nilang gawin ng
mga may katungkulan? Magwalis tuwing makakaramdam ng
hindi maganda sa tiyan ang kanilang alaga?"

Sa America , bawat may-ari ng alaga ay dapat maglinis
matapos ang pagdumi ng aso. Ganuon din sa Japan .

Gagawin ba ng mga Pilipino yun dito? Tama sya.

Pumupunta tayo sa botohan para pumili ng gobyerno at
pagkatapos nuon ay tinatanggal na natin sa sarili ang
responsibilidad. Uupo tayo sa isang tabi at
paghihintay ng pagkalinga at umaasa na gagawin ng
gobyerno ang lahat habang wala tayong iniaalay.

Umaasa tayo sa pamahalaan na maglinis, ngunit hindi
naman tayo titigil sa pagtatapon ng basura sa kung
saan-saan, at ni hindi tayo pupulot ng anumang piraso
ng papel para itapon sa basurahan.

Pagdating sa mga panlipunang talakayin tulad nang
hindi pagiging tapat sa kasal, sa mga dalagang ina, sa
pagtatalik ng walang basbas ng kasal, at iba pa,
maingay tayong nagpoprotesta ngunit patuloy naman
nating ginagawa ang mga ito.

Sa sandaling tayo ay mangulila kapag nasa labas tayo
ng bansa, naghahanap tayo ng aliw sa iba, kadalasan sa
kapwa rin natin Pilipino, na hindi natin iniisip ang
ating katungkulan na ating sinumpaan sa ating pamilya
nuong narito pa tayo.

Tapos sinisisi natin ang pamahalaan kapag nakikita
natin ang karahasan sa kabataan, pagkagumon sa bawal
na gamot, at iba pa, samantalang sinimulan natin
ito sa hindi pagpansin sa pangangailangan ng ating mga
anak ng tunay na pag-gabay at responsibilidad ng isang
magulang.

Ang sabi natin, "Ang buong sistema ang kailangang
magbago. Ano ang magagawa kung ako lang ang
magpapabago sa aking pamilya?"

E sino ang magbabago ng sistema?

Ano ba ang mga sankap ng sistema? Napakaginhawa sa
atin na ang sistema ay binubuo ng ating mga
kapitbahay, mga ibang tahanan, ibang syudad, ibang
komunidad, at ang pamahalaan. Pero hindi kasama IKAW
at AKO. Pagdating sa ating pagkakaroon ng positibong
handog sa sistema, ikinakandado natin ang sarili, pati
na ang ating pamilya sa loob ng isang ligtas na pugad
at tumatanaw na lang tayo sa malayong mga lugar at
bansa at naghihintay ng isang Mr. Clean na dumating at
maghatid na mga himala.

O lumilikas tayo. Parang mga tamad na duwag na hindi
pinatatahimik ng ating mga takot, tumatakbo tayo sa
Amerika upang makisalo sa kanilang luwalhati at
purihin sa kanilang sistema. Pero pag naging
masalimuot sa New York tatakbo tayo sa Japan o
Hongkong. Pag nagkahirapan ang paghanap ng trabaho sa
Hongkong, sakay agad tayo sa susunod na eroplano
patungong Gitnang Silangan. Pag may digmaan sa Gulf,
inaasahan nating masagip at mapauwi ng Gobyernong
Pilipino.

Lahat ay handang umabuso at gumahasa sa bansa. Walang
nag-iisip na handugan ang sistema. Ang konsyensya
natin ay nakasanla sa pera. Mga mahal kong kababayan,
ang sulating ito ay matinding nakakakislot ng isipan,
nangangailangan ng maraming pagmumuni-muni, at
tumutusok din sa konsyensya. Medyo inuulit ko lang
ayon sa ating salita ang mga salita ni John
..F.Kennedy sa kanyang kabansa upang maitugma sa ating
mga Pilipino:

"Itanong natin kung ano ang magagawa natin sa ating
bansang Pilipinas at gawin ang nararapat upang ang
Pilipinas ay maging tulad ng Amerika at ibang
kanlurang bansa ngayon."

Gawin natin kung ano ang kailangan ng Pilipinas sa
atin. Ipasa ito sa lahat ng Pilipino.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Passion

This is a story of a people digging up water...

there's this huge group of people in the desert... at first they were at an oasis with lots of water. but eventually, oasis ran dry and the group eventually had to dig up water to provide for all the people in the group

so there they were digging, digging and digging... every person wanting to work for the benefit of the other... but then one by one, people started to stop digging...

each time that one person was able to get a bucket full of clean water while digging, the person stopped digging because he said that he had enough water in the bucket and he was satisfied...

the other people did the same thing.... until eventually, there was only one digging...

now what was wrong with the story? most of the time people keep saying that they want to do something for others but deep inside, they just want to do something for themselves. it is not passion, it is selfishness... we keep working hard until we get what we want and then we stop and leave the other people who have not gotten what they want to do the rest of the dirty work... what the hell is that?

eventually, more water was found and it gave people hope again. but then they weren't satisfied with what they had... without even thinking that they had a lot of benefits already... so they kept digging for more and more and more.... until they hit rock bottom...

mixed emotions...

in less than a weeks time a lot has already happened... i guess the saying is true that anything can happen in a short span of time... its just like this coffee of mine... =)

at first i thought that i would not be able to get my dose of Starbucks coffee because it was too damn freakin expensive... but then as luck/faith would have it, i did get my dose of coffee...

holdin that coffee in my hand made me feel "happy", "relieved", and all that possitive stuff... until i tried taking a sip... it burnt my tongue and my lips like hell... what the f***... made me wanna throw that cup away (but probably would have burnt my hands in the process)...

after a while of blowing at it to cool it down, i was able to drink it up... oh yea... warm coffee makes one feel warm inside... and i was happy again... considering the small sacrifice i had to put to cool the contents of that cup down just to be able to gulp it up, it did turn out for the best... until i finished it up..

got a coffee cup without coffee..... looking at that empty cup made me long for even more coffee... the kind of coffee that i have not tasted for quite some time... hasn't been offerred for a while in Starbucks... i could make some phone calls to make 'em available again but then... i come to think and say to myself that hey! what's the point?... but that thinking just makes me think even more that maybe i should have that dose of coffee via phone call... but then again, what would happen after that?... probably nothing... but knowing myself, something's bound to happen...

but probably, that something is just something that would last just as long as caffeine lasts in my body... --- a couple of minutes to 2-6hours the max... XP

Back to Earth

for the past few weeks i felt as though i as on top of everything. kind of like the feeling that Chris Gardner had when he was able to sell all his bone scanners just a month before completing his internship at some stock broking company.. he felt like all his financial problems are gone and that the rest of his 4 weeks would be a walk in the park...

in my case, i thought that everything that i had put in my head was all good. good in a sense that i thought i had enough knowledge to get through any test (like the first part of the boards) and pass 'em... that is until i went to UP for a brainwave quiz bee...

yea the "quiz bee" part sounds nerdy.. i didn't want to be a part of it either... but i was there... in the end, my team ended up with the lowest score... a negative one to that! damn... that was a big blow to me psychologically and to think that my all time comparator was there (his team won i think...)..

Damn it... i shouldn't have been in that thing... i shoud've just walked out and let some other person do the job... i made a mess... the only thing good about what had happened was that i did manage to "get back" at the school in some way... but deep inside, i was hurt... it meant one thing - i'm not good enough --- yet! and that i have to start getting my old habbit back together if i was to stay in the game...

there's only a few exams left... and the only way to keep up is if i study harder... i won't sleep if i have to... no more sleeping early for me...

Assumption

assumption is a deadly thing... you could end up shooting someone in the head for assuming that that person is some criminal or something...

it is so obvious when people are assuming things... sometimes it does seem like they are just fishing but the truth is, they already have their answers in their minds... weird...

people are not perfect, heck who is? anyone who assumes that they are, are well, bloated in the head..

assumptions assumptions, i wonder why people assume too much of other people... maybe because they feel that their better than others or they are the best among the rest or maybe because they just need something to make themselves look better than another person...

whatever the reason is, dang... assumptions, assumptions... get a life

the reversal

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anyways the reversal, yea we got pissed at someone... because we felt violated, we felt that we were disrespected but today, most of us feel guilty for getting pissed off and doing some action despite the fact that we have the right to...

this guy packs a heck of a counter punch... we all make mistakes, i'm not saying that the class made a mistake... offense begets offense... when people get passive they get stepped on, and when they do become active, well, they get kicked at the groin and then they get stepped on...

in other words, life's a b*tch, lets learn from our lessons and hope that we'd be better people in the future... =)

Miracles

there are times in which we feel like giving up...

there are times in which we feel that we can never make it through the day...

there are times in which you just feel like the world is falling apart...

and then all of a sudden... things turned out good...

i honestly thought that i screwed my group up real good... thinking that i messed up real badly and incidently just put my groupmates in a real bad situation ---> failing parasitology...

honestly, i wanted to show some confidence (i did in a way) but deep inside, i felt like i was being turned inside-out. my chest was heavy and felt like it was going to explode! somehow, i just felt that my group is doomed and all of it was because of me...

and then... there He was again... for the "Nth" time...

whenever my path looked dark, He was always there to lead the way...

in this case, we were so blessed that our defense turned out well.. the paper turned out well and so did the report! Aside from thanking God, i think there's one person in the group that should be given credit for seeing the unseeable... for thinking more critical than any of the others in the group including myself..

yeap... Alex deserves credit for today... good job man! so i guess you'd be doing the rest of the work now huh? hehehehe

luck was with us today...

congrats group1 parasitology... IF i feel nice on saturday, i'll treat you guys out some place. take note... IF

have a good evenin everyone

Sweet Revenge

revenge is sweet...

that's what we always say when we get back at someone who has initially done harm to us...

usually revenge is a planned action. the kind in which you set up the exact environment for you to put down your foe...

sometimes, revenge occurs when you least expect it... call it karma... you don't do anything but your not so likable foe gets kicked in the ass which in turn satisfies your desire to get even with the foe..

with that, sometimes all we think about is getting even... but what happens if your not so likable foe decides to strike back at you again?

it would just be a vicious cycle where in you continuously do things unto each other to get even with one another... its a never ending story...

the kind of situation occurs in every community... and usually, it is the one with the most power or the one with the upper hand that does the reverse... do harm, receive revenge, perform your own revenge, etc... these guys never like to be humiliated...

sometimes, you don't do revenge but the person onto which your actions took effect on believes that you did such to extract revenge. this comes with people with grave problems to the head... the kind of people that do not know the difference between a legal action and one which simply came out of emotion.

in an institution, when you do something wrong, you get into trouble. but before you get into trouble, your sad story of your very unlikely actions would first be told to your superiors... of course not everyone likes to be tell-taled to their superiors about their mishaps but if you deserve such, you should accept it and use it to become a better person. and NOT to use it as another reason to make yourself an even bigger A***OLE..

lesson here is, if you do something wrong and you get into trouble, don't be stupid to do the same mistake twice...

another thing is, grow the f*** up! life is a bitch to most of us.. we all got problems... if the root cause of your unlikable behavior at work is your miserable life, you don't have any reason to take it back to your place of work and take it out on people that you are "superior" to...

your unlikable actions just make you look more like an ass which means that it gives other people reason for them to not like you. aside from that, just because plenty of your subordinates suck up to you, don't expect every subordinate yours would suck up to you as well... you get the treatment you deserve...

people with mental disorders such as those who do the above, should just break the chain of revenge which they started in the first place....